I’ve been fascinated by online business for well over a decade. I’ve watched people like Danielle LaPorte, Marie Forleo, Leonie Dawson and Susannah Conway create businesses from scratch. I’ve followed them and tracked their evolution over many years. I asked myself the question: if it was possible for them, was it also possible for me?
Over the years, that question has always been at the back of my mind.
Seed to Source was never meant to be an all consuming enterprise but, inadvertently, I lost my way and started down that path. I planned and strategised, I blocked out my calendar with tasks to be completed, I tried nearly all the to do apps to improve my productivity. I had 12 week plans, 12 month plans. I listened to webinars, I joined Facebook groups. I wrote copious notes of all the things I needed to action. It evolved into yet another full time job, albeit of my own making, and I wandered further and further away from my original dream – to live at a gentler pace.
Of course, it was all going to come to a head, at some point.
Interestingly, I’ve come full circle. I’m back now where I started out when I first came across Helen Redfern and had an aha moment. Someone was doing what I dreamed of. Someone had already made that a reality. I remember looking at Helen’s website and her Instagram, and just having a moment of absolute resonance.
I wonder why we over complicate life. Perhaps we get sidetracked by the shoulds and losing sight of our own ideals.
As I sit here now with my revised plan, and one very similar to how Helen plans her weeks, I feel lighter. I realise how much pressure I had put on myself to do it all. Worse still, for someone who values truth, I was looking to others for inspiration – but people whose journeys, hopes and aspirations did not mirror my own.
It has taken me a while to realise that this wasn’t the life I had set out to create.
Now I’ve pressed pause, I can stop and look at all of this with a degree of detachment. As I wrote in my last post, I’ve been a big fan of burning my bridges. It seemed to be the answer when I was stuck and had hit a brick wall. Today I’m looking at it slightly differently.
Instead I’ve been thinking in terms of ships and sails. I believed I knew where I was heading but found myself sailing off course. I needed to adjust my sails and plot a new course. (Note the contrasting analogies of fire and water!).
The destination remains the same but I’ve been on a surprise adventure in uncharted territory. I’ve learned a lot along the way including how it feels when you’re lost. And how different it feels when you find your way again.
I can breathe. I’ve exhaled a deep sigh of relief. It’s only now that I can fully appreciate how hard I’d made life for myself.
No experience is ever wasted. I’ve written words that can be re-purposed. I’ve made friendships with people I might not otherwise have met. I’ve discovered concepts that I can use in other contexts. I’ve worked out what I do and don’t want.
I think, most importantly, I’ve learned something new about the route map that I follow. That obstacles in our way don’t have to mean the end of the road, but simply indicate that we’ve gone down the wrong path. A lot of what we might be doing is right, we just need to regroup, take a few steps back and recalibrate.
Perhaps all that is needed is an alternative perspective, one that shines a light in a dark corner where some other treasure is hiding.